I am not superstitious by nature -- not really.
That said, I don't really believe in taking unnecessary chances, either.
I don't step on cracks (even though my mother is long since deceased).
I knock on wood with some regularity...
I had a moment of pause last weekend when a black cat crossed my path...
and I always shake salt over my shoulder if I spill it.
While I don't really, truly believe in any of it,
Why take chances?
That said, I was honestly and truly relieved when, after Susan was unable to tolerate the 45 mg dose on Thursday, June 12th, the doctor informed me that we should hold her dose the following day.
Friday the Thirteenth (of June)
The last day of school (finally).
A peanut-dose free day.
While I was initially relieved simply to realize that Susan would not be taking her dose on Friday the 13th, as the day passed, I realized we had freedoms that we would not otherwise have had -- while (even with all we have been through), Susan is still committed to seeing the clinical trial through, it gave us a glimpse back in time...to a day where she could be physically active when it suited her, to a day when she could take her shower whenever she wished...without planning and strategizing.
And while I was still keeping a VERY close eye on Susan, since she had not tolerated her peanut dose on Thursday, in my mind, it was as though Susan had not had peanut since Wednesday -- the forty-eight hour plus window of time since her last actual consumption made me feel...more relaxed.
I let my guard down -- ever so slightly -- and enjoyed the way it felt to be just a bit less conscious about every little thing Susan did and said.
While we have grown accustomed to living life with peanut, I found myself appreciating (a day in our) life without peanut, too. Very, very much so.