Photo by Rebecca Gould Photography

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Uneven Footing

Susan consumed 1625 mg of peanut this morning
That's 13 carefully measured 1/4 teaspoons of peanut flour, or 6.5 peanuts.
(Incredible.  Hopeful, Promising.)

And yet, we are a peanut and tree-nut free household.
(Except for almonds -- Blue Diamond, to be exact.)

And Susan sits at a peanut and tree-nut free lunch table.

And Susan carries two Epi-Pens and an Avi-Q...
   and more Benadryl than she will ever need.

We live with strict instructions:
No new foods.
No new restaurants.
Nothing with risk of cross-contamination.
Everything is the same...and yet, is is immeasurably different.
  (At least, that is what I think...and hope...)

Where do we begin?

In this new land we can barely comprehend, how do we define what is safe?
How do we redefine the past?
  (Do we?)
How do we frame the future?
What do we tell others?

Perhaps my house SHOULD have peanuts.
Perhaps I should eat my beloved mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups...
  (For what better place to test Susan's tolerance than in our home, on solid ground...with us present...)
But...are we to EAT PEANUT in Susan's presence?
Or perhaps outside?
Over the sink?
Over the garbage can?
(Or...maybe...just maybe, not yet?)

And if I were to...
Do I wash my hands, or not?
Dispose of my toothbrush, or not?
(Or...maybe...just maybe, we're not there yet?)

If I do not know the answers, how will she?
How will others?

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